I’m not here for you I’m here for me.

On this earth.

In this country, state, city.

In this coffee shop.

For me.

For me to find myself, to learn to love myself.

To take hold of all that is out there…what is out there is for me.

All of it.

The beauty, the healing, the success, the failures.

The simple mistakes that I wish I didn’t make, but are a result of my own shadow, prodding me and poking me, pushing me to be something I never asked to be.

Sometimes, when I see your tears.

The pain scrunched up in your face, and hunched over in your back as you walk

I realize I did that to you.

But it wasn’t for you.

It was for me.

All of the hurt I sent out into the world, into your heart was for me to learn, and grow, and try and try again and try again…and again.

Sometimes that’s what it takes for me to learn.

The again and again.

The again and again.

To remind myself again that it’s not for you.

It’s for me.

It’s not for you the world that I live in.

It’s is a space that I create.

It is a breath the I breathe.

It is only for me.

It is not for you.

But I want you there to share it with me.

To watch me grow.

To cheer me on and tell me when I’m wrong.

It’s not for you, but I will be better because of you.

It is only for me.